Interestingly enough, I’m 20lbs over what I was when I got married BUT I fit into my old jeans and a good portion of my old skirts from that time.
I’ve spent the month firmly in one-derland (194ish) and have been doing a lot of reading about Leptin and resetting my hormones in general. The information isn’t really new to me, but putting it all together and looking at some things in a new light I’ve had more than a few “AhHA!” moments.
People that have known me since our move to the states (14yrs ago) are in awe of the transformation my body has undergone…while people from my life before the move, who haven’t seen me in the same amount of time, comment that I “haven’t changed a bit!”
Which makes me look at them in horror–after all the crazy medical, all the surgery, all the babies I haven’t changed??? OH, right you didn’t get to witness all that or my spiral into obesity.
The moment passes quickly and a sincere “thank you” comes out but in the back of my mind the thought lingers.
I looked at myself in the mirror for the past 14yrs and most days I saw the “old” me. These days I’m almost surprised to see her. It has made me realize how much denial I put myself in over the years regarding the changes in my appearance. So I guess in some ways I shouldn’t be taken aback by the surprise my current circle of friends exhibit when they see me now–I have changed, they’ve only ever known me obese…this thinner me will take some getting used to.
And my old friends–they’ve never known me obese or sick…of course they’d think I haven’t changed much.
Looking at photos from my late 20s, I do look much more like that girl than I have in a long time. In many ways the new me is the old me…only she has a wealth of experiences the old me never thought/dreamed/could anticipate would happen.
There’s still a long journey ahead of me, but I’m happy to be able to say that it looks like I’ve made it to stable ground. Blood work looks awesome, hormones seem to be doing what they are ment to do and fitting into sz 12 (which are now getting loose!) jeans is a definite bonus!
Woot!! Way to go! So funny how our bodies change, and the number on the scale can mean so many different things. My body is completely different from the last time I weighed 193 (we’re at the same spot!), and I’m in a solid LB 14 still. This rump, it will not shrink!
I know what you mean about body perceptions and denial. I have had very similar thoughts.
Welcome back, I missed you.
Lori
Good for you girlfriend!!
I love the voice of reality and honesty form which you write.